HUGH’S    DIARY

June 1 - Wednesday

WRITE SOMETHING FOR THIS WEB DIARY

Why not write something for the web diary?  Last year when I went on holiday we had a good selection of contributions from the group to fill in the diary while I was away.  People appreciate and enjoy the writings that come from others in the group, so why not send in something this year.  It can be something you have written yourself or something interesting you have seen.  And it will be read.  The web page gets over 300 visits a month, plus 18 who receive the diary every week by email.

This summer I am doing a week’s retreat from 10-17 June, then going on holiday at the end of June.  So we are looking for quite a few contributions.  They can be as long or as short as you want, on any subject that interests you and would interest others.  Here are some suggestions:

Send your contribution as soon as possible to hugh@project2030.fsnet.co.uk. under the subject “Summer Diary”.  Send it also as an attachment as it is easier to upload.  Say how you want to be known, full name or initials, your group, or just anonymous.  We are also happy to post your writings and contributions at any time during the year.

June 2 – Thursday

LESSONS FROM THE MONASTERY

People keep talking to me about the BBC 2 programme where 5 men lived in a monastery for 5 weeks.  Why doesn’t the group do something like that, they ask.  Well, we have our holiday retreat at Malpas 25-30 June.

Someone showed me a copy of this editorial that appeared in The Tablet last week about “The Monastery”.  It mentions the small communities which Cardinal Murphy O’Connor is trying to set up.  Someone else wrote to say that our groups were already along the same lines as the Cardinal is suggesting.

The picture of declining church attendance and falling numbers of priests that has characterised Catholicism in most Western countries in recent years is at odds with the extraordinary international response to the death of Pope John Paul II, in the media, in the huge surge of pilgrims that flocked to Rome and, not least, in the thoughts and feelings of millions of ordinary people. It was undoubtedly the transparent yet profound spirituality of Pope John Paul rather than the doctrines he taught that caught the headlines and drew crowds to his funeral. The Church continues to digest the meaning of this response, to see whether, by adjusting its tactics and strategy, it might capitalise on this vast display of interest, the better to promote the Gospel.

This is not entirely disconnected from a remarkable three-part television programme, the last part of which was broadcast by the BBC this week, which followed the experiences of five typical modern men, none of them Catholic, who spent several weeks as guests of the Benedictine monks of Worth Abbey in Sussex. Under the wise influence of the Rule of St Benedict and the gentle and sensitive handling of the monks, all five reported rather against their expectations that they had benefited profoundly. One at least had felt a life-changing moment, as his subsequent personal history has shown.

This was not spirituality without religion, which the modern age seems to think might be the answer to its needs, but religion serving the purposes of spirituality. The men were invited to dig deep within themselves, not asked to accept a heap of doctrine from outside. But without the doctrine, as the viewer was well able to understand, there would have been no monks, no monastery, and hence no journey of interior discovery – and no television programme to describe it.

Cardinal Murphy-O’Connor mentioned the television series in a lecture he gave this week, saying that the young men involved “were overwhelmed by the sense of being accepted for who they were, yet at the same time grateful to be challenged to be much more than who they were”. Hence they were illustrations of the challenge the Church faces in modern society. The need is there; indeed the absence of and search for spirituality is a central ingredient of modern European angst. The cardinal’s solution in his own diocese of Westminster is to promote the idea of small worshipping communities linked together, so that a parish becomes a community of communities.

June 3 - Friday

FEAST OF THE SACRED HEART.  RENEWAL OF VOWS.

Today at the midday Mass as a Community we renewed our vows for our Patronal Feast, the Sacred Heart.  As religious we take temporary vows of poverty, chastity and obedience for a year after our novitiate.  These are renewed yearly for between 3 to 9 years (usually about 5 years) before taking Final Vows for life.  We are four priests in the community here at Stockport.  This was the formula we used today for the renewal:

Annual Renewal of Vows

Father in heaven, today we recall with deep gratitude that you have called us to serve you as Religious.

Through the gifts of the Holy Spirit you have enabled us to answer your call by the total consecration of ourselves to you in this Society.

Conscious of our weakness and failings yet aware of your constant grace, we wish to renew our commitment to you and rekindle our desire to serve you in all things.

United in heart and mind, we now renew our vows of poverty, chastity and obedience so that we may grow in perfect charity.

We renew our loyalty to our Society and ask that, as we draw closer to your Son's Heart, we may offer ourselves with generous love to your holy will.

May the spirit of love and reparation which so inspired Leo Dehon, inspire us also in our love for you and for everyone.

In union with the Heart of Jesus and in the spirit of our Society we express our renewed dedication: Here we are Lord, we come to do your will.

We offer you, O Lord, our lives and our work, however poor and unworthy they may be.

May the joys and sorrows we share unite us in love for you and for each other.

May this re-dedication of ourselves renew within us the life of Christ and, through the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, may we be Prophets of Love to all people.  Amen.

June 4 - Saturday

ALL NIGHT VIGIL.  A FOOTBALL FORUM.

It's unusual to have a 'free' weekend.  Originally we had been planning an all-night vigil for the group here in the parish to follow on from the special Mass we had last night to celebrate the beatification of our Founder, Leo Dehon.  The beatification was cancelled because of the death of the Pope.  We hope it might now take place in October.  The new Pope has said that he will go back to the old custom and not do beatifications himself.  I said this to someone who had been in Rome in April, but she still said she would be keen to go out there again for it.  The dark and cold of October might not be the best time for an all-night vigil.  Yesterday I was regretting not going ahead with it anyway.  How many would have come is another matter, though someone did ask last week: "What happened to that vigil?"

This weekend there is a main event on at Cambridge.  I had already said to Chris that I couldn't be there.  We try to stay in community for our special Feastday and I didn't fancy travelling down today to come back tomorrow.  And I'd already decided that I wouldn't necessarily go to all the main events this year.  Gave Chris a ring this morning to see how they were doing.  Some of them were on a walk along the river to Grantchester, then they were going punting this afternoon.  Sounds all very civilised.  Most of the people are from in and around London, though 5 have gone down from the North-West.

With the extra time available this weekend decided to do my monthly web discussion on the Radio 5 site.  Couldn't think of a religious topic that would get me and others going, so decided to indulge myself with football fantasy.  This was the question I posed.  More responses tomorrow.  

Message Title: LET'S CHANGE SOME RULES IN FOOTBALL

Message: The rules of football were made up 150 years ago for 15 year old, 5 foot, unfit boys, so why not a few changes to make it more interesting: - make the goals bigger and give us more goals. Even an extra foot each way would give us a goal every time the ball hits the woodwork now and the commentator shouts out: 'It deserved a goal.'

- do away with offside except when someone has been blatantly waiting in an offside position. Make it so that when a team is attacking you cannot run offside.

- change the penalty spot to a penalty line 2 metres long so you don't get the area around the spot softened up, as Beckham, Sutton and many others have discovered recently.

- have some penalties taken from the 18 yard line when the foul was not in a goal-scoring situation. This would also be better for shoot-outs, making them more of a football challenge than a lottery.

- goal-kicks should be taken within 10 seconds of the ball being returned to the penalty area. Teams that are winning are taking 25-30 seconds to get the ball back into play.

- the ref should be able to stop play when a player is obviously injured and not have to wait until the ball is kicked out.

- any arguing with the referee to be punished by advancing the free kick, a warning or even a yellow card. [reply]    [Complain about this post]

This was how I started the discussion on the web forum.  Responses in tomorrow’s diary.

June 5 - Sunday

SUNDAY:  RADIO 5 FORUM ON FOOTBALL CONTINUED

There wasn’t the same response on football as there has been other months on more topical, controversial issues. I posted my discussion (see yesterday’s diary) on a few other football web forums.  Most of the reactions were a quick agree or disagree.  Here are my 9 replies to what people wrote.

- the ref can stop the game when the injury looks very serious or is to the head, but often the team whose player is down goes on attacking and then put pressure on the other team to put the ball out once they have lost it, so let the referee stop the game immediately if he wants.

-what makes you think I am just bored? Once a month I start a discussion on one of the BBC's message boards (so that's what made you think I was board). Usually it is on something to do with the news or the big issues in life. I'm indulging myself this time and getting out some of my much pondered theories on our beautiful game. And you won't even give me a decent response?

-no need to be so offensive. Why question my parentage, and what makes you think I am Dutch. Would that be a problem for you? Tell us why you don't think we should change some of the rules in football. Recent changes have been good, like the goalie only having 7 seconds to kick out the ball, and how he can't pick it up if it has been kicked back up to him. The new offside rules cause some confusion, but they make things better, certainly more interesting.

- I also think that 11 players on each team is too much today on a pitch that was designed 150 years ago for 22 kids. There would be more space and more action if there were only 8 or 9 a-side. We should at least experiment with this, a bit like rugby sevens which can be very exciting.

- With 9 a-side you could use all 5 substitutes. They could come on and off at any time, so there is no danger of ending up with 9 men as Chelsea virtually did against Newcastle in the Cup this year. When the ball goes out of play you indicate who is to come off and they must be ready to come off immediately the next time the ball goes out of play. Too much time is wasted and the rhythm of the game is disrupted, often deliberately, by substitutions. No replacements should be allowed in the last 10 minutes unless for an injury.

- You said: ‘If it ain’t broke, then don’t fix it.’  With that kind of attitude we would be still playing the Eton Wall Game or the Village Scrum or worse.  Rugby, cricket, tennis, golf as well as footie have all changed their rules recently for the better.

- Can I think of any rule changes that would guarantee a Scotland win in the World Cup?  I'm a Scot in exile. Someone said I must be bored to be starting this debate. It's just that international weekends are such a pain for us these days. Scots golfers used to boast that if there was a 100, (then it became a 1000) a-side golf competition we could beat any country. That might have been the case one time. So maybe we need to get back to the days of mass games of ‘fitba’, like the  advert last year. Then Scotland could have a chance, but I doubt it, unless everyone had to wear kilts. China would change it to the more the merrier on each team, then it would be between them and India every four years for the World Cup. We can’t put Scotland’s run of bad results down to a series of snickety events.  We need to get our head together.  They think it's mulled over.  It is now.

June 6 - Monday

UPDATING MAIN EVENTS

Spent most of the day updating the main events list to be sent around the groups.  Chasing up some people and seeing that contacts can still do what they can do.  These are the main changes and additions.

2 July -  Make Poverty History Rally.  The Rally in Edinburgh has been somewhat upstaged by Bob Geldof and Live 8, but that should help to take some pressure off Edinburgh on 2 July.  When I was in Genoa in 2001 for the G8 it was pretty anarchic.  Someone was killed, shops and cars were burned out, and the house we were staying in was virtually under siege. 2 July in Edinburgh won't be like that because the ones who want to make most noise will be going to Gleneagles/Auchterarder/Edinburgh the following week.

6 - 15 August - The Pembroke Way is now fully booked.  Was tempted to do the first few days of this like I did the West Highland Way last year, but only would have done it if someone had been driving back up North again on the 8th because then going to....

10 - 22 August - World Youth Days in Germany.  Bookings have now re-opened for this as our German community have been able to give us more places. WYD rules say you must be 30 or under.  A group of Sisters from Hampshire have asked if we can find someone to drive their minibus to Germany.  Any volunteers?

2 - 4 September - Adventure Weekend in North Wales.  Liam writes: Now with even more activities than before to choose from since the last adventure weekend.  If you have a need for an action packed, adrenaline pumping, thrill seeking weekend then how does paintballing, archery, quad biking and laser pigeon shooting grab you?  The total cost is £154 for the whole weekend which includes 2 nights stay in a good hotel, all 4 events and lunch on the Saturday and Sunday.  Don't feel you have to do all the events though, you can do as little or as many as you like. 

16 - 18 September - Review Meeting at Malpas. Have decided to have this one just for the 20s.  Last year's review suggested that we needed to do some separate 20s main events so that they could develop their own identity more.  We'll do a weekend for 30s and 40s later.  We'll make the weekend a bit lighter and it will be open to anyone in their 20s from the groups, not just representatives.

October - Poland.  This has been postponed till next year.  Marta, whose family comes from Poland, has not been able to prepare the week as she would like to because of pressure of work for her travel company.  She hopes to get out to Krakow and meet up with the Dehonians out there.  There are plenty of other things going on in the autumn.

11 - 18 May 2006 - Medjugorje.  Mary D has just been to Medjugorje to look at the possibility of taking a group there next year.  We've decided to go ahead.  Because the visions are still going on the Church will not make any official pronouncement about it.  Priests are discouraged from arranging official pilgrimages, but can go as spiritual directors to a group.  Mary writes:

11-18 May 2006:   Medjugorje Pilgrimage - 20 places, early booking advised. 
Experience the peace of Medjugorje and the love and simplicity of the local people at this International Shrine of Our Lady.  There will be opportunity to join a varied daily programme.
Package will include return flights to Split, coach transfer from Split to Medjugorje, half-board accommodation.  Total cost of pilgrimage (as a rough guide may be in region of £400) and booking application forms will be available towards the end of 2005 from me.

For next year, besides the usual weekends, Michael R is looking at going to Aviemore in the summer and Colm is going to organise a weekend in Galway.  Other suggestions include Lindisfarne (Holy Island) and Portugal for the 20s.  We are also waiting for rearranged date for Leo Dehon's beatification.  Could be in the autumn.

June 7 - Tuesday

CATCHING UP WITH THE POPE

Last month I wrote letters to the Pope and the Abbot of a certain monastery which were published in the Diary on May 4th and May 19th.  They've been sitting unsent on the desk.  Finally decided to mail them.  Not that there is much chance that the letter will get through to Benedict.  Someone will read it and it might end up in one of the many files: Visits/Britain/Ireland/Cranks, etc.  What's the Pope's address?  Every postman knows that, but what is it exactly?  Checked up in the Catholic Directory for England and Wales (Project 2030 has an entry in it this year for the first time as a national organisation - you have to be operating in at least four dioceses).  The Directory gives addresses for the various departments in the Curia, including for the former Cardinal Ratzinger.  Even though they are given as Vatican City, a separate state, they still have the Roman postcodes.  Maybe The Pope, Vatican City, would be enough, or "Him up top", but added Rome, Italy to the envelope.  Post coming out of the Vatican has its own stamps and maybe it is still taken by van to Switzerland for a quicker distribution than Italy could offer. 

The report on our visit to Rome on the inauguration weekend did not come through.  I'd forgotten who had offered to do it until I was reminded by someone yesterday who felt it important that something go down on record by one of the group.  She offered to write it, and that was without any persuasion from me.  People have learned not to make suggestions unless they are prepared to do it.  "Would it not be a good idea to..." someone might ask.  "Could you do that?" is a regular reply.

In a newspaper recently I saw the heading: 'Evaluation of the Pope's first 40 days'.  He is certainly showing that he is his own man, though someone else pointed out that whereas some of the things he said and did in his first few days were quite distinctive, he is gradually adopting more traditional ways.  Organisations have natural pressures for making us conform to accepted practices.  You can even see that within Project 2030 after only 5 years.  Benedict has made significant ecumenical gestures.  His first visit outside of Rome was to Bari in the south of Italy to a shrine associated with the eastern Churches where he made significant gestures towards the Orthodox.  I have also heard it said that there is the possibility of an 'Anglican' rite being developed for people who were formerly members of the Church of England, meaning that they could keep much of their former liturgy and style of prayer, though this would cause certain tensions with Canterbury.  In Waterstones the other day I saw that there is now a biography of the Pope out.  This is basically a reprint of a recent book on Cardinal Ratzinger.  It looks good, as does the official biography of Cardinal Hume by Howard that was published last week.  Ask for them in your local library.  They'll buy them for you if you put in a request form.

June 8 - Wednesday

I AM NO LONGER A ROMAN CATHOLIC

A long time ago in this diary I said that I did not like us being called ROMAN Catholics.  Someone asked for more explanation.  It's not that I have the slightest problem with being linked to the Bishop of Rome.  In fact, as a professed Religious, my vow of obedience means that if the Pope asked me to do something I am obliged to carry that out, and I would be glad to.  Catholic means universal, so to add Roman to it is almost a contradiction.  Technically each of us belongs first and foremost to our diocesan Church which is in communion with Rome.  To a lesser extent we belong to our national Church, though we usually identify with our country.  Someone is more likely to say: "I'm proud to be an Irish Catholic", than to say "We Dublin Catholics".  When our Bishops issue statements, they do it as the Catholic Bishops.  When things are published from Roman, they don't use Roman, e.g. "The Catechism of the Catholic Church".

Only in ecumenical settings will you see Roman used regularly.  This is because historically after the Protestant Reformation others did not want to accept that we were The Catholic Church, but just the Roman Catholic Church.  When the Bishops of England and Wales in the last century sent a letter of congratulations to a new King from "The Catholic Community" it was sent back and they were told to write "Roman Catholic".  When speaking to people from other denominations in an  informal situation (where they know I am a Catholic priest),  I have been tempted to say "I used to be a Roman Catholic, but I'm not now."  I could say this technically because I lived for 2 years in Rome.  Other Christians consider themselves to be catholic with a small "c" and might object to us calling ourselves just "Catholics", but I can't think of a title of another church which might not be misconstrued as exclusive in some way.  What does the Church of England or Scotland say to other Christians in those countries?  The small Anglican community in Ireland is called The Church of Ireland.  You have Orthodox, Episcopalian, Congregationalists, who are not trying to imply that other Churches do not have these features.  It's not as though we are calling ourselves the Christian Church.  I recently saw a group calling themselves the Chinese Christian Church in Manchester.

When the Pope died the BBC kept saying Roman Catholic this and Roman Catholic that.  I sent a text to Radio 5's 85058 asking: "Is the Pope a Catholic?  According to the BBC he is not.  He's only a Roman Catholic.  Why not just say Catholic?   Everyone knows what you mean".  When Rome is being formal it might call us the Western or Latin Catholic Church.  This is to make clear that the Orthodox Church in the east is equally Catholic.  We recognise the ancient sees of Constantinople, Jerusalem, Antioch and Alexandria as true Churches, much to the chagrin of the Anglicans and other ecclesial communities that originated in the Reformation of the 16th century, who rightly concluded from a recent internal Vatican document that we did not consider them proper Churches, i.e. Churches in their own right according to the historical and natural development of the early Church.

June 9 - Thursday

BEATRIX'S BROTHER R.I.P - PRAYING FOR OTHERS

Heard yesterday that the brother of Beatrix from London 20s had died.  Have still not been able to get in touch with her or get further details.  Presumably she has gone back home to France.  Hopefully will be able to let you know more details before going off on a week's retreat tomorrow.  Let's remember them in our prayers.  I found out because someone texted asking for prayers and requesting that I say Mass for Beatrix's brother.  That's the fifth time in the past week someone has asked me to remember them in my prayers, whereas previously it was just an occasional request that came in.  Is there any reason for it, or is it just a coincidence?  One asked for prayers generally, a couple of others were facing life decisions.  I must admit that in the past I have not been very good at praying for others or for particular intentions.  When people asked me for prayers I often had to kick myself to make me remember.  Why that is I don't know, except that I recognise that my least "favourite" part of the mass and the breviary is the bidding prayers/prayers of intercession.  I am more likely to switch off (unintentionally) at that part than anywhere else.

A number of years ago I became persuaded that prayers we offer for others are more effective than prayers we offer for ourselves.  This should not be taken as a general rule, but it is easy to see that we can become too introverted and selfish in our prayers.  Jesus did not teach us to pray: "My Father, who is in heaven.... Give me this day my daily bread".  I remember once when someone was going through a bad patch I got them to agree to pray for me and I made a concerted effort to keep knocking God's door for them.  We both felt the benefit after a short time.  This did not help me much in the long run to remember to pray for individuals who asked.  As a priest I am conscious of praying and offering the Mass for everyone, and I trust that in God's way others receive the benefit, just as I feel the benefit when praying with others even though no-one may be praying specifically for me.  I can put this down to my being more of a "group" person, and admitting with some reluctance that individuals are important mostly to the extent that they are part of groups I belong to (some can similarly say that individuals are only important to them in so far as they help them to feel secure, or others admit they could easily be tempted to sabotage groups for the sake of how they get on with individuals within it.  It can depend whether our first instinct is towards the group, to significant others, or our own self-preservation).

In more recent years I have taken the chance of saying to people unasked that I would pray for them.  But then I would spend some time praying for them immediately on the presumption that I am not going to remember them much later.  In the past couple of months, since suggesting that we try and remember to pray for each other at 8.30 pm as a follow-up to praying for John Paul II and his successor, I have noticed how much easier it is to pray for individuals who have asked or who I know to be in need.  I even said to someone recently: "Tell me when things get better so I can move you down from the top of the list".  You can't pray for everyone all the time - unless you believe in a very groupish way that prayer is going on within us all the time, which others benefit from.

Likely now no-one will ask me to pray for them for ages, but if they do I can respond to them more confidently: "I'll remember you at 20.30".

June 10 - Friday

GOING ON RETREAT

Going on retreat today for a week, so for the next seven days there will be contributions from others in the group.  Thank you to everyone for what they have sent in, and we are also looking for people to write stuff for when I am away on holiday at the beginning of July.  So get thinking and writing.

I have been able to contact Beatrix.  She is still staying with her sister-in-law in France.  Her brother, aged 34, had been suffering from cancer and he suddenly went down last week and died on Saturday.  The funeral was on Monday.  He also had two children, aged 2 and 4.  Obviously it has been a hard time for Beatrix, but she is more concerned for her sister-in-law who is living at quite a distance from the rest of the family.

Going on retreat to St Beuno's in North Wales.  It is run by the Jesuits, so we will be following the Ignatian pattern of spirituality which people have responded to well when I have described the Ignatian way of making decisions.  A retreat is in one sense a great luxury, but also challenging.  Why not think of doing a retreat at Malpas?

When I applied for a retreat at St Beuno's I was asked how did I first hear of the place.  Was it through advertising or through personal recommendation?  My answer was I heard of it first through Gerard Manley Hopkins, a 19th century poet who became a Catholic under the influence of Cardinal Newman, and then became a Jesuit.  He gave up poetry when he started his studies for the priesthood, and wrote The Wreck of the Deutschland when his Superior said wouldn't it be good if someone wrote a poem to celebrate the lives of some nuns who had been killed when their ship went down.  His poetry was not published until 20 years after his death and was very influential.  You can still get his poetry from most bookshops, so if you are feeling like some challenging religious poetry over the summer ask for the poems of Gerard Manley Hopkins.

June 11 - Saturday

DIET DEPRESSION - A CONTRIBUTION FROM CLARE CORCORAN

I have a theory that as life gets more like a pilgrimage, pilgrimages get cushier. My mother used to speak about Lough Derg and St Patrick’s purgatory:  boiled water containing salt and pepper and dry toast.  Isn’t this just the average detox?  Seriously, if you read the menu samples of most pilgrimages and religious retreats they read something like ‘Full English or Continental breakfast followed by elevenses of tea/coffee and biscuits and plentiful lunch of the local variety’.  The (w)holistic shelves of Boots in Balham offer more in the way of spiritual purification via infusion of dandelion than you get on the bus to Rome with the Daniel O’Donnell soundtrack. Or maybe that was just purging of another variety.  (Sorry Daniel – it wasn’t you, it was your fans on that bus.)

No, life is hard enough. If you really want the full works you have to go the pagan way:  yoga farm plus colonic irrigation and leg waxing (without local anaesthetic/organic puff of illegal substance).  All these so-called health benefits are religious in their application and the average diet puritanical in discipline.  Coming from a long line of ‘strong’ women, I have less of the battle of the bulge and more of the battle of the binge:  I love food.  I enjoy food.  I wouldn’t go as far as to confess an unhealthy relationship with food but, four and a bit courses later in a certain French restaurant just outside the Parisian new town of Cergy-Pontoise, I did feel the waistband contract.  There’s a limit to the number of times you can blame the washing machine.  “You’ve shrunk my stuff again, bad machine.”  No, the scales of dietary injustice ring true: you’re becoming a Big Mamma. 

So you do the right thing:  you join a diet club.  And then you go on retreat.  When you come back to get weighed, you’re two pounds over.  Start again.  The diet’s novel:  eat as much as you like unless it’s listed on pages 78 to 100 of our book (that’s everything you really like).  Oh, and one last thing:  try running around like a headless chicken to maximise your weight loss.  I am going to take the Lord’s name in vain.  Not only that but I have to lug this food manual around with me.  It aggravates a bad back. 

The Bible has a lot to say about food, I notice.  Job 6:6:  ‘But who can eat tasteless, unsalted food?  What flavour is there in the white of an egg?’  Ask the dieticians, Job, they’re the ones who are pushing all this stuff on us.  It does make me wonder how many calories there were in manna and if I’d find that on pages 78 to 100 of my alternative ‘bible’.

One should not be cynical.  The diet in question has got all sorts of tricks up its scientifically-researched sleeve to make me lose weight.  And I shouldn’t obsess so much.  “After all,” says Matthew (6.25), “isn’t life worth more than food?”  It’s just that we live in an image-conscious society and like debt, I have a tendency to go ‘into the black’ not so much in pounds sterling but in pounds and ounces.  The good old days of reaching into the desk drawer and pulling out a full bag of Bombay Mix (with 30% extra) at three o’clock in the afternoon, whilst my nameless colleague tucked happily into her chocolate bar and can of coke, are well and truly over, as are the good times it seems.  It’s been said that the people of this country were never healthier than during the days of rationing.  Well, let’s see if this rationing works and, as Job puts it, ‘Let God weigh me on honest scales.”  That’ll put the washing machine to the test.

June 12 - Sunday

Someone sent this in who asked to remain anonymous.

SCHIZOPHRENIA AND GOD: AN EXPERIENCE - PART 1

Almost ten years ago, I sat in a psychiatric wing of a hospital, listening with horror and dismay as the consultant psychiatrist explained what she believed was the root of the problems I had been rather meekly and ineffectively facing.

She mentioned the name of a chemical called dopamine. It is invariably associated with schizophrenia, and when I heard it being spoken of, my heart sank. Having then recently studied a little psychology – in particular the biopsychology of mental health – I realised I had just been labelled insane.

Dopamine is present in everyone’s brains, though it is only when it increases uncontrollably that it becomes problematic. It is a chemical that, psychiatrists and psychologists believe, is involved in our dream cycles, and is essential for our mental wellbeing, yet relatively little is known of the neurotransmitters and other chemicals present in the brain, and dopamine is no exception. Is it a symptom or a cause of schizophrenia, seems to be the main issue.

But how did I develop the illness? As far as I was aware, there were no instances of serious mental health problems in my family, though doctors insist that schizophrenia is genetically inherited, and approximately 1% develop it. However, I should have known that my extensive use of “soft”, or “recreational” drugs – vis cannabis and LSD – would eventually have some effect on me, rather than the temporary feeling of euphoria, calm, elation, or any other emotion one wishes to ascribe to these very dangerous drugs.

Yet why did I take the drugs in the first instance? Peer pressure? Boredom? Yes, they undoubtedly had to be factors…..but not in any way were they definitive reasons. Why, do I think now, in retrospect?

I had wandered in a spiritual wilderness for four years, having abandoned my faith. Being young, naïve, I was swayed by the flawed opinion of science, and worse, a new-age philosopher popular in the 1970s, named Erich von Daniken, who made outlandish claims that our true ancestors/creators were aliens, not God. I started to create idiotic philosophies of my own, believing that all miracles were of human origin, and shared experiences such as those at Medjugorje and Fatima were mass hysteria precipitated by the “fathomless” resources of the human mind. Yet, the wisdom of men is folly with God.

So, I began smoking hash, and taking the odd tab of LSD. It was in a way taking the rebellious teenager part a little too far. I saw no relevance in the 2000 year old teachings of a carpenter from Nazareth at the threshold of the 21^st Century. I moved far, far away from home, to a strange city where I was swayed further by the nonsense theories of atheistic peers. There seemed no way out for me, and I didn’t even realise that I was offending God every one of my waking moments.

There was, though, one man who tried his best to turn my hedonistic practises around, and make myself a life pleasing to God. He has since passed away from a terminal illness, and I beg him for his help every day now. He proclaimed to me unashamedly in front of the godless (of whom I was one), that God spoke to him. He wasn’t a Christian, but he gave me my mother’s, father’s, family, and ex-girlfriend’s names, telling me that God wanted me to go back to church. It was an obvious sign from God, but I chose to ignore it, again claiming that it was he who had read my mind! I refused to believe. He said similar things to others around him, but no-one would listen to him. He may now be gone from our tangible realm, but I wish I could have just one more conversation with him.

June 13 - Monday

SCHIZOPHRENIA AND GOD: AN EXPERIENCE - PART II

Yet, I returned home, still taking drugs, still hypothesizing nonsense, and growing more sick with every passing day, while still refusing to speak rationally or even in kind terms, nor practise, the religion of my forebears. And it wasn’t till the middle of July, some ten years ago, that I tried to take my own life, when I realised that I wasn’t the centre of the universe, that I was not a god, and neither was I the super-intelligent being I fooled myself into believing I was.

But that fateful July night, something miraculous happened. Since that night, I have been told by the medical professionals that it didn’t happen, that I was too confused, that it was a trick of the light.

What happened? I had thrown myself into a river. Why? Well, I believed I was the Son of God, and that I had to die for mankind. You may well laugh at this, but to me, it seemed perfectly true. I was hearing voices in my head proclaiming eternal torment for mankind if I didn’t end my life, and eternal bliss for everyone if I died by my own hand! Perhaps that is when the little faith I had left rose to the surface. But, sweet irony, when I threw myself into the river, I landed on a rock shelf just below the surface, invisible to the naked eye!

I stood there, lamenting my choice of locations from which to end it all, when I noticed two reed bushes floating against the current towards me! Terrified, I scrambled out of the water.

I have gone over that night in my head so many times, trying to make sense of it all. I feel the need to evangelise about this episode…..yet no-one will believe me because I am insane. Does this irritate me? In a way, yes. But what matters is I believe it; I had felt the presence of God, seen a miracle. Not everyone is given such a clear and irrefutable evidence that God does indeed exist. Perhaps it was God’s way of bringing me back to His fold, without jeopardising his Cosmic Plan. After all, God wants willing and faithful, true believers; there would be no use for us if we could all see and touch God. I did.

Since that night, I have changed, and for the better too. My belief gives me strength; and I know that if God can show His limitless compassion and mercy to such a disobedient and wayward child as myself, then I have true hope for mankind. And, to quote St Pio: “Suffering is a gift from God; Blessed is he who knows how to profit by it.” I suffer; I am blessed. I have no fear but fear of God. If I can change, we all can. The miracle is my renewed and reinvigorated belief in God.

June 14 - Tuesday

DIRECTIONS... FROM DUNCAN

1. Start at your home.

2. Travel to London Heathrow Airport.

3. Catch flight from London Heathrow to Dallas Fort Worth Airport.

4. Hire car at Dallas Fort Worth Airport.

5. Start going toward the "Airport Exit" on "International Parkway South" - follow for 0.2 miles.

6. Bear left onto the highway toward "Terminal East Parking" - follow for 0.3 miles

7. Bear left onto "International Parkway North" toward "North Airport Exit" - follow for 2.9 miles

8. Take the "Highway 114 west" exit toward "Fort Worth" - follow for 29.2 miles

9. Then continue on "US 287 north" - follow for 91.1 miles

10. "US 287 north" becomes "Interstate-44 east" - follow for 0.7 miles

11. Take left fork onto "US-287 north" toward "Vernon" - follow for 104.0 miles

12. "US 287 north" becomes "Avenue F (US-287)" - follow for 2.8 miles

13. Continue to follow "US 287 north" - follow for 104.9 miles

14. Take left ramp onto "Interstate 40 west" toward "Dumas" - follow for 7.8 miles

15. Take "Exit 70" onto "US 60 east" toward "Dumas" - follow for 0.5 miles

16. Take the "Buchanan Street" exit toward "Dumas/Pampa" - follow for 1.7 miles

17. Turn right onto "Old Route 66 (Interstate 40)" - follow for 0.1 miles

Now that's the way to Amarillo.

Hee...hee....

June 15 - Wednesday

JOHN PAUL ON TAIZE WEBSITE

A member sent this in:

I found this a while ago on the Taize website.  I think the quotation from John Paul II is really inspirational, especially if anyone is, like me, in a parish going through a rough patch!

Here is the link to it: http://www.taize.fr/en_article1776.html?var_recherche=john+paul

The Church needs your enthusiasm

The Pope explains to the young people at Taize why he has come there and what the Church expects of them:

 “Like you, pilgrims and friends of the community, the pope is only passing through. But one passes through Taizé as one passes close to a spring of water. The traveller stops, quenches his thirst and continues on his way. The brothers of the community, you know, do not want to keep you. They want, in prayer and silence, to enable you to drink the living water promised by Christ, to know his joy, to discern his presence, to respond to his call, then to set out again to witness to his love and to serve your brothers and sisters in your parishes, your schools, your universities, and in all your places of work.

Today in all the Churches and Christian communities, and even among the highest political leaders in the world, the Taizé Community is known for the trust always full of hope that it places in the young. It is above all because I share this trust and this hope that I have come here this morning.

Dear young people, to bring to the world the joyful news of the Gospel, the Church needs your enthusiasm and your generosity. You know, it can happen that your elders, after the difficult journey and the trials they have undergone, fall prey to fear or weariness and let the dynamism which is a mark of every Christian vocation grow weak. It can also happen that institutions, because of routine or the deficiencies of their members, are not sufficiently at the service of the Gospel message. Because of this, the Church needs the witness of your hope and your zeal in order to fulfill her mission better.

Do not be content to criticize passively or to wait for persons or institutions to become better. Go towards the parishes, the student organizations, the different movements and communities, and patiently bring them the force of your youth and the talents you have received. Bring your trust and support to the ministers of the Church; they are your servants in the name of Jesus, and for that reason you need them. The Church needs your presence and your participation. If you remain within the Church, you will of course at times be upset by divisions, internal tensions and the sorry state of its members, but you will receive from Christ, who is the Head, his Word of Truth, his own Life, and the Breath of Love that will enable you to love him faithfully and to make your life a success by risking it in a joyful gift for others”.

June 16 - Thursday

LIFE, FAITH AND THE GROUP

Aidan, from the Dublin 20s, gives us some thoughts on life, his faith and the group in his own inimitable way.

I wanted to let others know about my experiences of my faith in the Holy Family and was it means to me to be a practicing Catholic too.  I read from Father Hugh's diary that some have gone back to the church due to the group, and that's great as I would always say that without a good faith there is nothing.

I joined the Dublin 20s on April 20th 2002 and at the time I was looking for a nice religious group to join as I had a bit of trouble finding one in my own age group.   I tried a lot of groups too - Youth 2000, which is a great group but to me it's a very deeply religious group and for most of their retreats they would have prayers which last well over 4-5 hrs, talks and prayers and then a blessing, but it's a very nice group also.

I tried others too, but the gap was huge.   There were married couples in some, and when you’re around the early 20s mark it can be tough trying talk about your feelings for God and the Catholic faith.

I think I am lucky, though, as I feel my faith was always there, and to me it's a case after your confirmation of whether you can continue to go to mass or not.  I think mine was easy as I was an altar boy for 10 years and loved serving at our church at the Immaculate Conception of Our Lady.  My biggest regret was leaving as, due to the Leaving Cert, I decided that was most important to me at the time, and for me it was.

Anyhow, my experiences of God have being amazing to say the least, and I’d love share some of my experiences with anyone who reads this.  I was a bit unlucky in secondary school where for 2 years I got bullied and, well, where the only thing I can say from it was it made me a better person, and what I felt was that no way would I ever do this to another person.   One day, going to the shops, a lad I knew told me that one of the lads who bullied me was knifed.   He was in a gang and someone slashed him across his face.   I felt great, but when I saw him one day I changed my ideas, cause he looks sad if u saw him now.   How could I not forgive him?  So that was an experience to learn from, and I was lucky here in a lot of ways too.

I feel myself that the people who turn their back on the church need our prayers most.   A lot say, and I heard Brian McFadden say it once, he only went to mass cause his parents made him.   To me that's a very sad excuse to give, as no-one should make you do anything you don’t want to do like going to mass.   To me its about going to see Christ to pay our own respect to him and learn as much as you can for his second coming which I am sure will be sooner than we think and then the ones who said they didn’t believe will, but it could be a case of too little too late for some.  I have always felt that having a faith is the most amazing thing that you could ever have.

I knew a girl from secondary school - I was in a few school musicals in my olden days in school - anyhow this girl was hit in her car while down in Nass, Co. Kildare and she died a few days later.  What makes it sadder she was to marry in 2 months time and she was a really nice girl.  In my opinion,    when God wants us or calls us back to heave, that is it, and nobody knows when or where it will be.   I will always be grateful for my experiences, when he has shown me he is there.

I believe that my Catholic faith was a gift from above.  Maybe when you’re young you don't know how to really use it or know what way to use it.  That’s ok till 18, then you have a choice and that can be to either go to mass or not or, like me and many others, keep going and learning as much as possible.   I also took the pledge of not drinking till 18 at my Holy Confirmation.   

Now when you talk about experiences and things, I hope I did the right thing in August 2003.  That was a case where I feel there was a choice that really took a lot of, not only credit on my half, but real guts too.   As with any religious trip, you will get a lot of prayers and so on, and in August 2003 we had a very warm period in Neustadt in Germany.  I feel you may have had to experience a trip before to know what to expect, and that was the big thing here - more prayers than fun, and again you can either take it or not, which is what happened.   That trip, like the World Youth Days next August, was a real experience as I met some lovely people in Germany and still keep in contact with them today.

 I feel in Dublin not a lot of young people my age know much about the group.   I heard about it from my mother and am very grateful.   I have put a few advertisements about the group in my church and
now that I have the group magazine I am sure it will improve, and I’ll keep Father Hugh and everyone up to date on how the group’s coming along.

The next big trip is to the World Youth Days in Cologne in August and a lot I have spoken to are really looking forward to seeing Pope Benedict XVI just now.

Well I hope what I have written has being a good read, about how much my faith means to me and I look forward to seeing you all again soon.

Aidan (Dublin 20s)

June 17 - Friday

MINUTES OF THE 20S REVIEW MEETING

Date: 17^th April

Venue: More House, London

Numbers at events

It was felt that it was important to encourage as many people as possible to attend events, as this would encourage people to attend the group regularly and hopefully organise events. However, it was also recognised that events that only attracted a small number of people were still beneficial, as it enabled people to get to know each other more easily.

The 20s group

Some people in their thirties are still attending 20s events. Hugh expressed concern that this would discourage people in their early twenties from attending regularly, and this is an age group that Hugh feels we still need to attract more of. Two possible solutions were discussed: starting an under 25s group, or being stricter about age limits within the groups. It was agreed that:

The 20s Weekend Retreat at Turvey Abbey

This was a success, even though only 8 people came.  The location could have been a factor, as it was not held in London.  Hugh will continue separate retreats for the groups.

Spiritual events

There was a consensus that spiritual events like masses, discussions, etc were very important to the identity and purpose of the group, and that perhaps more were needed. The possibility of reintroducing the Taize mass was discussed, but it was agreed that Mass would need to be earlier in the evening rather than later. We could organise more talks.  Hugh suggested that members give some talks as well about their personal experience of life and faith. Catherine will find out what sort of events members want.  

Miscellaneous

June 18 - Saturday

LONDON 30s ANNUAL REVIEW MEETING ON SUNDAY 17 APRIL

Here’s a summary of the things we discussed:

1. Allowing Two Social Events at the same time. 

At the Annual Review Meeting we agreed to try and avoid clashes of social events. We know there may be occasions where we can run more than one event but we have agreed to try and avoid clashes in order to try and encourage good turnouts at each social event.  If people want to organise Social Events at Short Notice (including the occasional birthday dos or parties) we will actively encourage them to try and arrange them around the Pre-Arranged Events already on the programme.
NB: Before the meeting Matt obtained feedback from several members on this issue. Most, but not all, members felt it was best to avoid clashes of social events where possible.

 2. Advertising Events by other Catholic groups.    

As a number of Project 2030 members said that they would like us to advertise a few social and spiritual events put on by other groups it was decided that we will advertise some from time to time as long as they are in keeping with the Project 2030 ethos.   We haven't put a limit on how many we advertise. We'll just play things by ear and see how things go.   It may just be one a quarter, it could be more or less.  If more people are asking if they can organise events in-house there will be less room to do this.  In contrast, we are well aware that we must not over advertise them otherwise Project 2030 could lose its own identity.   If other groups’ events are advertised there must be a named contact from the group going to the event so people in Project 2030 have a point of contact. This is very important for newcomers.
NB:  It was accepted that Michael and Matt are often placed in a difficult position of deciding what to advertise and what
not to advertise. If they are not sure what to do they will consult Fr Hugh.

3. Advertising Events by Non-Catholic groups.
People were generally less favourable to this because most seem to want Project 2030 to maintain its identity as a group
for  "Catholics" as Catholics are in a minority in this country.   However, it was agreed that we will experiment with advertising one or two events with non-Catholics throughout the year as Michael Carson and Clare Corcoran successfully argued the case that it is not bad to do this in the interests of Christian Unity.   Christian Unity week in January would be one ideal time to do this, but we may get other opportunities as well.  We will play things by ear and consult Fr Hugh if necessary.

4. Support of the 30s group for the 20s group.
 At the meeting it was accepted that whatever line we take on age we can't please everybody.  So we decided to continue with a flexible age policy, i.e. having some 20s only events, some 30s only events and some joint 20s & 30s events.  From the feedback we've received, people seemed quite happy with the current arrangement of having one joint 20s / 30s event per month and allowing the 20s and 30s to do their own thing the rest of the time. We agreed with Fr Hugh that it was a good idea to encourage those under the age of 30 to take control of the 20s group and to encourage the 20s group not to   become too dependent on the 30s group.

5. Other items.
There has been very positive feedback to the Alpha course and the BESOM charity work day.  Michael Carson suggested that a logical step after Alpha was to have a weekday ‘home group’ in More House.   If you are interested in this please contact him.

We didn’t get round to discussing the Advent and Lenten retreats but may do so at the next Think Tank meeting.

The Project 2030 website:  A new website is being developed.

Advertising Poster:  An advertising poster is being developed that can be placed permanently at churches to promote the group.,

Short Notice Events:  It was agreed that emailing once a week was fine.  No emails will be sent out if there are no Short Notice Events to advertise.

Advertising events in Local Areas was also raised at the meeting.  We will talk more about this at the next Think Tank meeting.  We have advertised events in Local Areas before so there is scope to do this from time to time, e.g. meals in Harrow and Croydon.  If meals were at the opposite end of town it was felt that it would be possible to advertise two at the same time.

June 19 - Sunday

We received this letter from Jessica Faleiro (London 20s) who has been doing some voluntary work in Goa, India:

Dear All,

I’ve been here for over a month now, after leaving the UK temporarily for a career break to do some voluntary work.  With no definite idea of what kind of work I wanted to do or which organization to work with, I arrived with only the thought in my head that I wanted to help somehow and learn in the process. 

After much prayer, I eventually followed a trail of people and events that led me to a very warm conversation with the director of ‘Jan Ugahi’, an organization that works to protect women and children’s rights in Goa.  ‘Jan Ugahi’, in Hindi, means ‘People’s Awareness.’  It amazes me to see what the organization manages to accomplish with only a few resources and limited funding.  Here is a description of a few of their programmes.

Children:

Women:

I have been helping the director put together informational content about the organisation into a web friendly format so that they can create a website.  I’ll also be trained to give presentations to secondary school children about child sex abuse, so that they can be aware of this growing problem and protect themselves better. 

There is much work to be done in developing countries.  But it strikes me that so much can get done with individual dedication and commitment.  Volunteers can easily be a part of that process.  It will take:

People are always willing to help if asked for information.  Parish priests and volunteering websites are a-plenty when you are looking for opportunities whether in the UK or abroad.  And the experience you pick up can always add another skill on your curriculum vitae.  Who knows what you might find waiting for you as a volunteer!

If anyone has any questions about my personal volunteering experience, please contact Hugh for my email address or if you’d like to see my blog, check out: http://goatourism.blogspot.com 

Until we meet again on my return to the UK in September,

Jessica Faleiro (London 20s)  

June 20 - Monday

MY EXPERIENCES IN ROME - BY ELAINE TESTO  (NW 30S)

This is the first part of Elaine's article.

I arrived at Rome Ciampino Airport on 21^st April 2005.  We decided to take a taxi to our hotel from the airport.  I noticed during this journey the amount of buildings whose exteriors were covered in graffiti.  Well graffiti is an Italian word and I guess it certainly is a way that the Italians express themselves.  It’s an Italian form of art!   Some of the graffiti is quite artistic and impressive whereas some looks like your usual mess in the UK.

 I noticed that the taxi which travelled in was quite a versatile multi purpose vehicle with what appeared to be interchangeable seating arrangements so they could add or remove seats as and when required.  Quite different to the UK Hackney cabs with a large seat for 3 and two spare fold down seats.     The taxi also had no seatbelts whereas taxis here all have seatbelts for passengers.  Due to UK law I found myself automatically searching for a non-existent seatbelt.  Is this a sign that we have been so conditioned by our UK laws?  I guess as yet Rome does not have a seatbelt law in existence. 

Upon arrival at the Tres Stellas Hotel I discovered that the key to the lock of my suitcase was missing.  It wasn’t in my handbag where I had expected it to be.  I eventually forced the lock on my suitcase.  Upon opening the suitcase I found the key.  Yes there it was lying on top of my clothes inside my suitcase.  I had only gone and locked my key in my suitcase when I was packing it back at home!!! 

 During my stay I soon began to realise that crossing roads in Rome is like playing a game of chance with your life – quite seriously.  Italians don’t bother with Pelican crossings, they just walk out into the road in front of oncoming traffic as though they have a death wish!!!  If a car is coming towards them they never run back, they just keep moving.  Apparently to run back is more dangerous than to carry on forwards as it would be too confusing to the Italian drivers!!!   It is alleged you are more likely to get run over if you try to run back the way you have just come!!!  It seems the Italian drivers must have built in sensors and know exactly when to stop for pedestrians!!!   Italian pedestrians seem to put their lives in the hands of Italians drivers quite literally.   Personally I found crossing the roads in Rome quite a terrifying experience. 

 Like in many cities Rome has it’s share of poverty.  This was evident by the amount of beggars on the streets and people sleeping in cardboard boxes on marble steps of Church buildings etc.  On a couple of mornings I was up very early in order to travel to various places and would see the people sleeping in the cardboard boxes from the buses. 

One evening I noticed a particular beggar who had very twisted and deformed limbs and his only form of mobility was to propel himself on a skateboard.  He basically had the skateboard under his stomach and used his right arm on which he was wearing an old tatty brown boot to propel himself along the street.  He looked a sorry sight and it broke my heart to see this poor bloke living his life in this way.   This bloke will probably never get the help he needs to live a comfortable and reasonable life and will no doubt end his days on the skateboard in the street, it is so disheartening. 

 There are a lot of Police in the Rome.  I never saw any of the Police in action though.  I am sure they just pose in the street modelling their uniforms – well that’s my theory anyway!!!  There are various types of Police.  The airport in particular is guarded by the Military Police dressed in green combat style with very large guns.  It almost feels intimidating to come face to face with Military Police with their large guns.  But then I noticed that in Rome there are various types of Police.  There was the Polizia in their navy jackets, grey trousers and white utility belts complete with handguns.  Then there was the Carabinieri in their black jackets with white trims, black trousers with distinctive single red stripes down the outside of the legs and white or black utility belts.  I think these also had handguns.  The Vatican is guarded by the Swiss Guards in their splendid and very distinctive blue, yellow and red striped uniforms with navy berets which makes them look quite theatrical.  By tradition the Swiss guards don’t have guns as the Vatican does not approved of the Pope being protected by guns and prefers that they should only be protected by the use of fists so to speak. 

On the day I was returning to UK I thought I was being arrested by the Police at the airport.  I had checked in my main bag at the check-in point and then proceeded to go through the Customs security checks and passport control etc.  I removed my belt and jewellery and placed them in the plastic tray and placed that along with my small handbag and hand luggage bag onto the conveyor belt in order for them to pass through the scanner.  After my bags passed through the scanner I noticed the Customs Officers faces seem to change and I just knew instinctively that they were going to question the contents of my luggage.  I was asked buy these Officers to step to one side and my heart started beating like a djembe.  These Officers seemed harsh, mean and severe in their attitudes, their expressions seemed to say don’t mess me or else!!!  An Officer then spoke to me in broken English, “We think you have penknife in the bag.”   I had genuinely and totally forgotten about a penknife I had bought when I visited the Vatican.  I had bought it on the spur of the moment as I had something I needed to cut and then completely forgot all about it.    When the Officer told me I had a penknife I then remembered about buying it and I rummaged through my luggage and found it.  I started panicking then thinking that I was going to get arrested for carrying a knife at the Airport.  I showed the Officer the knife and he said “You have 2 options, either put the knife in your hand luggage bag and return to the check-in point to check your bag in at the check-in or surrender the penknife to us.   As I didn’t fancy missing my plane home for the sake of knife which cost about 50p I decided it was easier to surrender the knife to the Officers.  At first the language barrier proved difficult because I kept saying “I will leave the knife” and I think they probably only understood the ‘leave the knife’ part of the sentence and assumed I was arguing that I wanted to keep my knife when in fact I was telling them to keep the knife.  Eventually I said “I don’t want to keep the knife you may take the knife off me.”  At last I was understood.  They seized the knife from me and let me through Customs.  That was one nasty horrible moment I that do not wish be subjected